Wednesday, 15 August 2012
Jumping Right In!
Anyway, off we went along the gorgeous, almost empty, (that's important!), strand. The water was so clear and warm as I paddled my way through it. We walked right to the rocks at the end, and there wasn't a sinner about, just us.
I found myself looking longingly at the water. I haven't been swimming in the sea for YEARS- believe it or not, it was actually sometime in the last millennium. I used to love it as a kid though, even on those pre wetsuit days when the water was so cold, my legs turned blue, and my teeth chattered, as all frozen fingers and thumbs, I clumsily got dressed under a towel, in the back of our old Volvo.
But it wasn't like that yesterday-No Siree! It was almost Mediterranean and it bewitched me, turned my head, made me want nothing more at that moment, than to swim in the clear water, and feel weightless and carefree and young again.
The thing is, it was only last week that I'd even brought my swimsuit to the Caravilla. I hadn't even considered it, until one of the kids asked me if I'd ever been into the water. Sad really, when you think of it. But right then, it was back in the drawer with the towels, and the dinner needed made for everyone, and anyway, I'd washed and dried my hair that morning. That settled it then. Another time though. Definitely.
Then Loverboy said to me softly, 'Why don't you go in? There's nobody here. Everything else can wait.' And I looked at him then and shook my head, all the excuses on my lips. But I think he'd already seen the wistfulness and the longing on my face because he pushed me again, 'Go on, be a devil! Sure, why wouldn't you?'
And then from somewhere, underneath the layers of responsibility and self consciousness and general 'being an adult' bullshit, a little voice said 'Feck it'. And before I could change my mind, I just stripped down to my bra and knickers and waded out into the sparkling, warm water.
Part of me was almost crippled with embarrassment. Even though there was nobody around except Loverboy and the wee man, I was STILL only wearing an old grey bra and granny knickers, complete with wobbly bits and stretch marks and freckles and blue/white skin. And did I mention it was broad daylight? (In retrospect, a moonlight swim would have been SO much more forgiving.)
But once I'd started, I knew that there was no going back, and a little, cheeky, playful part of me was filled with... excitement? It felt like I was tapping into somewhere deep inside myself, that I'd assumed had long disappeared.
And it WAS gorgeous, and deliciously and fabulously liberating. I swam and I floated, on my back, then on my front-a few times I even caught myself laughing out loud. I felt like a kid again. It was the most normal, ordinary thing and yet I hadn't allowed myself this simple pleasure for so many years. I'd let my own fears talk me out of it and lost something precious in the process. And all the while Loverboy and Luke waved and smiled and clapped from the sand.
I'll be honest though, when it was to time to go, I had a bit of a moment when I pictured myself emerging from the water, and suddenly the unwelcome perfection of Halle Berry in her orange bikini popped into my mind...But I pushed it straight out again, not letting myself tarnish it, because this little episode had been MAJOR for me. A small step for most people maybe, but a great bloody long jump for Yours Truly.
Those in the know, say that you should do something that scares you a little every single day, and yesterday I did something that scared the shit out of me...but it was SO worth it. And who knows, next time I may even wear my swimsuit...